Engineering Dating 101

My mom and I were talking about miscommunication between my dad and her and I started to generalize the conversation as miscommunication between “engineers” and women. My dad, and I, want a set of rules and absolutes. For example, “I like to have a latte in the morning” or “I don’t like it when you go out with your guy friends on Saturday night because that should be our night together.” However, my mom, like many people, is very spontaneous and most of her needs and wants are based on her current state. So, she will say something like, “I don’t want you to go out with bob because I’ll feel bored.” And my dad will interpret this as a permanent condition or “rule”. The problem essentially breaks down to the fact that people are very dynamic and one must constantly reinterpret body language, moods, and language to understand what are their currently wants or needs.

I wish everyone would just say what they want, when they want it, rather than requiring us guys, especially us engineers, to be mind readers. This seems to be the problem between many people in my circle of friends. Ahh, Poor communication. People seem to have a really hard time communicating how they feel to other people…and this is especially prevalent amongst my engineering friends. Furthermore, most of the engineers I know are having a hard time “hearing” what other people have to say. This seems to be especially true when it comes to romantic feelings, interest, sexuality, or what someone wants.

To make a long story short, these events in addition to a plethora of other isolated events (such as the wingman stories told earlier) led me to believe that there really needs to be some classes in school or post-graduate that cover interpersonal skills and relationships. My particular interest is crossing the line between the extremely analytical/rule oriented people and a very dynamic/inconsistent person. Hence, the idea of the engineering dating class is born. I love challenges, and the idea of bridging the gap between these two types of people seems very intriguing to me.

So, here is the syllabus so far:

1) Women are attracted to confidence, independence, security, humor (but not homer Simpson humor), sociability, ability to think, the way they treat others, and how you make THEM feel.

2) You must have options and be able to walk away before you become addicted. Just because a girl is nice to you or works with you does not mean that she would make a good soul mate for you.

3) Notice her, listen to her, and try to understand what she is saying. I would say there is a 1/5 chance she isn’t interested, in this case, don’t waste your ego on it. Pursuing someone who isn’t that interested in you will be disastrous for your ability to appear confident and independent.

4) Make yourself interesting. And your new SEDI algorithm for learning spam signatures is NOT interesting. You must establish common ground and talk about something that you are BOTH interested in…or better yet, that you are both passionate about.

5) You must be proactive in meeting people. They don’t (usually) bite, most of them are pretty nice, and it might even be good for you.

6) Date for awhile, and multiple people, before making a decision.

7) Don’t a push over, say what you want.

8) Off limits subjects:

a. Magic, your top score in Warcraft, etc…

b. Your personal drama (at least on a first/second date). Don’t make them your personal therapist. They don’t necessarily want to hear about how dramatic your cat’s funeral was.

c. Xs on first couple dates

d. Bette says Sex … but I disagree

e. Porn

f. Negativity (unless done well)

g. Eric’s dating history ;-)

9) Good subjects for conversation cannot follow an exact guideline. It all depends. I know that engineers like rules they can follow with clear guidelines, but it doesn’t work. The most common question I get is “What should I say to her”. I’m sorry, pick up lines are LAME! Don’t think about it, just talk about something in the moment that is open ended. For example, “Hey, did you notice they moved the chocolate pretzels up here.” Or “Hey, you are usually on the first floor, what are you doing up here (said to a girl on the third floor kitchenette).” Or, if you are in a club or bar, try talking about a third party person. For example, “Dude, check out that crazy guy over there”.

So, what do you think of my idea so far?